Baby Steps

It's been a week of learning-- learning when to feed, learning when to sleep, and most importantly learning when to pacify. Hey, don't feel bad for little ol' me...I'm talking about my parents here, affectionately known around here as the walking dead. Now, they're not exactly Zombies, buuuuut I wouldn't necessarily classify them as human either. They're somewhere in between, I'd say. This leads me to a few thoughts on parenting that have been rattling around in my big noggin. (oh yes, it's huge all right...take a look at your arm. Yes, your arm. Go ahead, and now raise it up above your head...c'mon don't play coy. It's not silly! Please, humor me! Just do it!! Okay, now the first thing you'll notice is that your arm is relatively twice, or even thrice as big as your cranium, right? Correcto mundo! Well, my head is roughly the exact same size as my arm!! That's one gigantic watermelon I'm carrying around on my shoulders, dude!!!) Sorry, I digress. What was my point? Oh, yeah...I'm 50% brain, so you should listen to what I say. The most important thing to remember when caring for a newborn: Don't expect HUGE changes, expect HUNDREDS, THOUSANDS of tiny little ones.

Lili Dot's top tips from my crib to yours:

• All old routines need to modified and/or streamlined and/or just plain forgotten about.


• Anything that you start...don't plan on finishing.


• When I sleep, you sleep.


• Get used to doing everything with one arm, and become ambidextrous.


• Learn the nuances of my cries, whines, coos, and squeaks. (Daddy calls me "Squeaky.")


• Anything and everything that comes out of any one of my orifices does not have to be preserved for posterity (see below).


• Thank the inventor of the pacifier, in fact, get down on your knees and pray!


• Cherish every minute of it...it goes by so quickly! (I'm already looking into getting my own pad-- Lili's pad--teehee!)

Oh, and for those of you who were wondering, yes, my umbilical cord finally dried up and detached. Yes, the other day my parents couldn't figure out why I was throwing such a tantrum, and then they noticed that I was lying on the thing. YEE-OUCH, that little thing is dangerous when it's on the loose. So anywho...what do you think they did with the darned thing? Yup, you guessed it, they saved it for my baby book. My father clutched it in his hands and held it aloft: "This is the symbolic bond, nay, the lifeblood connection that carried nutrients of the body and soul from mother to daughter...it must be preserved for eternity and a day." It was all done in such a dramatic, and dare I say, overly rehearsed monologue that I was beside myself when I saw tears running down Mommy's cheeks. Believe it, she couldn't help but agree: "Our daughter is growing up so fast! We must document everything!" She pulled a ziplock from out of nowhere and see led it up! Puh-lease! How embarrassing! Can't they just clip a little bit of my hair and chuck it in an envelope. Shucks, I'll even draw some more blood for them, so they can put my essence in amulets to wear around their necks...That seems more plausible than keeping a withered up, salty piece of skin jerky. Who's with me? C'mon, who's with me? They've got to be kidding me, right? Ah, crumpets, I'm NEVER bringing friends home!!! Parents, sheeeesh!

PS- Tomorrow I'm going in for my THREE WEEK check-up. I'll be sure to post when I get home and tell you all about it. Should be real exciting...I might even be, like, ten pounds! Wouldn't that just be the bee's knees! Keep your fingers crossed!!

XOXO