An Angel on Earth

This past week has been one of the most trying for the Bock household. On Thursday, our precious friend, Jenny, passed away after a most courageous fight against cancer. Since her passing, both Jeff and I have been extremely sad. I wish I could cry hard and feel better but somehow I can't muster the tears ... and then I am simply left feeling melancholy. One can only imagine how her life-long family and friends must be feeling.

My morning routine almost every day at work used to consist of getting a fresh cup of coffee, checking my personal email, checking Lili's blog, and then checking Jenny's blog. Notice the work email is last. I used to think I was an early bird but it appeared that Jenny got an even earlier start on the day. No later than 6am, she would post a short, eloquent story along with an inspirational quote. I still find myself checking the blog ... hoping for a new post. But sadly, there isn't one. I've reread half of her blog this weekend but then stop once the tears start rolling down my cheeks. But this is simply me being selfish about a change in my morning routine and a great weight on my heart without my friend's written moral compass. Let me tell you about how I first came to know this amazing woman.

Jeff and I met about 5 years ago (2003) and right around the same time, Jeff's high school teacher put Jeff and Jenny in touch with each other to explore doing a project on her breast cancer experience. Jeff and Jenny grew up in Sandpoint, Idaho and went to school from kindergarten through graduation. Their high school English teacher, newspaper editor, and yearbook editor, (and informal town historian!) Marianne Love, also grew up in Sandpoint, Idaho. In hindsight, it seemed the 3 spirits' lives were meant to reconnect as each inspired the other through this remarkable journey.

In 2000 and at 26 years of age, Jenny was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer in her first trimester of pregnancy. Against doctors' recommendation to abort the pregnancy to begin treatment, she continued with her pregnancy and started treatment in her third trimester. She gave birth to a beautiful, healthy little girl, Grace. Jenny also passed on an amazing set of athletic genes that we are just starting to see kick in! Treatment continued, the cancer regressed, life continued. A couple years later, the cancer returned, various treatments were delivered, and so on. In her original diagnosis, she was given a 5% chance of living 5 years. Despite every odd, she went on to live 8 years.

For the first couple of years of my relationship with Jeff, he visited Idaho multiple times to film Jenny and interview her family, friends, and doctors. Every season was filmed. The 1st Annual Walk-A-Thon that Jenny's sister organized was filmed. So many special moments in her life were captured. One can only imagine the hours of footage Jeff logged. A couple of years into the filming process and after countless hours of being shot by someone else, Jenny finally felt comfortable taping herself. It wasn't until Jeff obtained the self-filmed footage that the storyline truly came together. Jenny's footage was so tender, so touching, and so real. It was an intimate look inside the life of a courageous woman who simply had a spell of bad luck. For a woman that was extremely private, thoughtful, strong, and always mindful to the needs of others ... it was a great test of faith to share her most private thoughts on tape.

As a most curious girlfriend at the time, I was able to see the footage coming in ... being transcribed ... being uploaded ... being cut .. being edited minute-by-minute ... being crafted into story. I first came to know Jenny through the hours of footage and from Jeff's description of her. From the rough cuts, I saw Jenny as a beautiful, clever, down-to-earth, funny, thoughtful, and eloquent individual. Jeff says that Jenny "always knew exactly what to say in any situation." Jenny was also the first girl that Jeff ever loved ... in kindergarten. (She was Princess Leah.) I saw her high school footage as she gave the commencement speech ... her yearbooks where she was the All-Star Athlete and Class President ... her childhood photos loaned by her family. In essence, I saw her entire life in print and on tape before I ever met her.

Then I met her.

About 3 years ago, Jeff and I drove to her farm house in Sagle, Idaho. Down a wide road lined by enormous pine trees, we turned the corner to be greeted by a herd of animals. If I recall correctly, there were several dogs, a horse, a donkey, and some cats. And there were Jenny and her daughter, Grace. Jenny was sporting her ever-present bandanna and Grace, at about 3.5 years old was (temporarily!) shy with her visiting guests. Jenny beamed a huge smile. We hugged and chatted. I felt like I knew her forever. She was even prettier in real life ... even without hair! She was even more funny and more clever. And she really knew how to make anyone feel at ease. And she did this knowing that this "stranger" (me) had seen all this footage before even meeting her. You see, somewhere in the process, I too became involved by providing Jeff with some clinical information and physician referrals to support the documentary. It was a powerful story and one couldn't help but get involved. Well, I probably like to get involved in almost everything and have my two cents but that's another story. Here I was, face to face, with this enchanting woman that had been battling cancer for 5 years by that point ... but made us all feel welcome with a simple plate of chocolate chip cookie bars and a beautiful smile.

She proceeded to give us a tour of her farm, much to my delight as a former farm girl myself. Okay - maybe I didn't grow up on a farm but my grandparents' farm in Ohio is certainly my heart's favorite resting place even to this day. She showed us the various renovations that she and her husband, Jeff (yes, there are two Jeff's in this story!) had made around the property, the barn, the horse stall, the garden, and the house itself. It was a picturesque location and certainly, a surreal feeling meeting a person of whom I knew almost everything. She was everything I had seen on film ... but only better in real life. Grace and I bonded by jumping on the trampoline for at least an hour while Jeff and Jenny caught up on more serious matters.

Since that initial meeting, we kept in touch intermittently through email. And yes, I have reread those too this past weekend. Her emails were always worded in such a way to be empathetic, funny, and diplomatic. She attended our bridal shower and wedding ... we saw her whenever we were in town ... we called ... we posted on her blog ... she posted on ours ... Across the miles, we certainly felt well-connected.

The project that was initiated in 2003, finally culminated in the completion of a 25 minute documentary, entitled Jenny's Journal. The debut of the documentary took place in Sandpoint, on the Thursday of the same weekend as our wedding. Serendipitous, right?! The film festival awards were the same night as our wedding so we were unable to attend. But Jenny went right after our ceremony ... only to return later that night holding an award for Jeff winning the Best Northwest Filmmaker award. Joy! Since that initial showing, Jenny's Journal has been slightly updated with noteworthy footage (i.e. Grace's first day of school) and been shown in Canada and additional film festivals in the US. It also garnered the attention of the Susan Komen Foundation. With a grant from the foundation, Jeff was able to obtain professional sound mixing for the documentary. Tonight, I know that his heart hangs heavy as he thinks about doing the final edit on the documentary to provide Jenny's final date of life. I imagine that the film will be shown at Jenny's funeral services next week. It feels so surreal to even comprehend that the documentary is no longer a moving, living storyline.

I am not sure when I finally began to consider her a friend. Maybe when we shared emails between each other? I think we bonded through our shared Type A personalities. I imagine that she is organizing God's angels as we speak. Angels with large wings here ... angels with multi-colored wings over there ... Hopefully, one day I will be lucky enough to join her spiritual organizing efforts.

With a most humble heart, I will close this blog entry. We are so grateful for knowing this beautiful person. I've scanned through Jenny's blog trying to find the perfect story to share on our blog but I could not seem to find one. I found several! But these two are short ... and I shall do these myself as I drink my morning coffee at work tomorrow and think about my friend.

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Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Your First Cup of Coffee
I received this card from our friends the other day. Think about it as you enjoy your cup of coffee this morning....

"Good Morning, this is God. I will be handling all your problems today. I will not need your help. So have a good day."

"We are more than conquerors through Him that loved us."Romans 8:37

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Friday, February 29, 2008

What are you going to do today?
We were blessed with an extra day in the calendar today so what are your plans? Are you going to make a special memory? Try to get something accomplished? Spend some time with a friend? What's it going to be? Whatever it is, make it worthwhile and make the most of it...it's a nice little blessing in the middle of winter.

Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you. ~Carl Sandberg